Numb
by it's pronounced 'lowlight
Summary: A four-shot about A's death. There are three songfics, and one epilogue. UPDATE: Chapter 3: B's thoughts on Valentine's Day.
1. Pressure

**Hey guys. I haven't written anything in a very long time (even though I am typing chapters for the other stories), but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. I hope you like my first songfic!**

**Summary: This is what helps A to go through with his suicide. Rated T for descriptive suicidal methods. Also, in third person point-of-view.**

A lifted the razor. He was starting to doubt this, this idea, but knew that once he started, he couldn't stop.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface._

A started to open the razor, trying to separate each little blade from the other. His fingers cut open in the process, but A embraced the pain.

_Don't know what you're expecting of me,  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes._

"This is all L's fault," A whispered, picking up a sliver of broken metal. "It's his fault that children are forced to become something that would restrain them from living a proper life. It's _his_ fault that I'm watched every minute, just to make sure that I become just like L."

A paused for a second before adding, "It's his fault that I have to leave B."

_(Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you._

A knew that this was necessary. He would never last as L, even L said so when he told A that he was the new successor. A always made careless mistakes, and L said that because of this, A would not last long in the world of crime.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do,  
Is be more like me, and be less like you._

A just wanted to live a normal life. He didn't want to have to live a life of mystery. All A wanted was to escape from Wammy's and live a normal life. That's why he made the first gash a long his arm.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
Holding to tightly, afraid to lose control._

L wouldn't leave A alone, ever since he was chosen as L's successor. A was always being tested, always had to give reports to L. A was always being watched, no matter what.

'_Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Is falling apart, right in front of you_

A began making the gashes in his arm quicker, and deeper as well. Something burned inside of him that compelled him to do this. A knew that he was failing as L's successor, but he couldn't go through with the pain anymore. When his left arm was completely mutilated, he switched to his right.

_(Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.  
(Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take._

A was tired of always making mistakes. Nothing was ever good enough for L! A hit his artery, vein, whatever it was called, and blood began spurting out.

"This isn't working!" A yelled. He pulled his shirt up and began cutting there.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired, so much more aware.  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do,  
Is be more like me, and be less like you._

A wanted a way out, and this is what drove him to suicide. But for some reason, nothing was happening. He had cut his arms and stomach, but he did not die.

_And I know  
I may end up failing to.  
But I know  
You were just like me,  
With someone disappointed in you_

A knew that L would be disappointed, and he also knew that the first generation of letters (A-Z) would take his decision personally. So many people would be disappointed in him for not being strong, but the pressure was just too much.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired, so much more aware.  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do,  
Is be more like me, and be less like you._

Suddenly, A's vision became foggy. His clothes were stained with blood, and the razor dropped to the ground, as if in slow motion. A fell to his knees, as blackness penetrated his vision in tiny spots.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Is everything what you want me to be?  
_

A crumpled to the floor from his knees, and was opening his heart and soul to death. A smile slowly grew on his face as he saw his parents in the distance. They were calling to him, and, apologizing for having to leave him.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Is everything what you want me to be?_

A used his last breath to make a completely irrelevant statement: "I…never left a note."

And with this dying statement, Aaron Always was dead, driven to kill himself by the intense pressure put on him by the world's greatest detective.

**Aw! Poor A! I want to know where this came from, so I might be going on another hiatus. I don't know, but who knows?**


	2. Abort

**Okay. I want to say thank you to Neizumi-Lawliet for giving me the idea to continue this story. I'm going to do a chapter in L's point of view, and one in B's point of view. These chapters will be their responses to A's suicide.**

**Sorry, Neizumi, for using your exact words.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. If I did, Matt, Mello, and L would still be alive, and a little voice saying "jackass" would be heard every time that Mr. Light I'm-a-gay came on.**

**The song for this chapter is The Little Things Give You Away by Linkin Park. I don't own that either. So, basically, all of the songs for this three-shot will be Linkin Park songs.**

**One more thing: The italics in quotes mean that L is speaking through a voice changer. Plain italics are just thoughts.**

Chapter 2: Abort

The phone kept ringing. It was constantly buzzing, and this was starting to get on L's nerves. Watari was out, getting L cake, and L was busy with a case.

The phone started to ring again, and L furrowed his brow in agitation. He was at the point of getting up and throwing it across the room, but this would obviously be too irrational. If he answered it, an experienced hacker would have the chance to try and hack and find him. But it also could have been Watari, or Roger.

L decided to answer it.

"_May I ask who is calling?_" L asked, in a goaded tone. The aggravation was dripping from his voice.

"I am sorry to disturb you, L," Roger began, "but it is vital that you come back to Wammy's at once."

L calmed down when he heard that it was just Roger. "_Roger, you know that I am working now. This really isn't a good _-ˮ L stopped when he heard a crashing sound in the background.

"L, this is why we need you back! A is dead, and B has left. The other twenty-one letters have lost it. I can't control them!

"Y has been drawing morbid pictures on the wall in his own blood. G has been jumping out of the window. And…"

L heard another crash in the distance, and Roger yelling at a young K. But he couldn't concentrate on that. What mattered now was that A was dead. In all honesty, L was almost…expecting this.

_Aaron had never been a good choice for a successor. He became too easily attached, he couldn't focus. I was waiting for something to happen, but not this, _L thought to himself. He held the phone to his ear once more, and when he was sure that Roger was done chiding K, L began to speak again.

"_Roger? What about Backup?_"

"He left when A was found dead. C was probably the only one of the students to remain calm, and she believes that Beyond murdered A."

"_Was there a note found at the scene?_"

"No, L, and that is what led C to her theory. Think about it. Beyond ran away right after A was found, plus there was some of his DNA on A's wrists and hands." Roger spoke about the evidence while trying to restrain a four-year-old Mello from attacking O. Mello was the first Wammy child who got a full name, instead of just a letter.

"_Roger, understand that this was a definite suicide, not a murder. Backup and Alternate had a 'special' relationship. One would never kill the other just to succeed me. Even if that was the case, Backup was A's only friend from the moment that he entered Wammy's House."_

L could almost feel sympathy for what Roger was experiencing. Almost. But with the recent…events at Wammy's, L knew that trying to help was the correct thing to do, even if that meant returning to his home.

"_Alright, Roger. Watari and I will be there by tomorrow at this time. Please try and keep the house in order until then."_

L hung up, not bothering to wait for the caretaker's response. The gears in his head began to whir as L debated A's suicide. He had known that something like this would happen, and L left where the phone was to visit his laptop.

L opened up a new window, and sent out a search for synonyms for failure. One link lead him to an online thesaurus.

L skimmed over the synonyms, and stopped when he reached what he was looking for. He let a sad half-smile break through the unemotional mask that he wore, and left the laptop to cross to the phone again. He dialed Watari's number, all the while thinking about what A know stood for.

A's letter no longer stood for Alpha. It no longer stood for Alternate, either.

It now stood for Abort.

_You don't want to reach for me, do you?  
I mean nothing to you.  
The little things give you away._


	3. Pain

**Umm, so I'm doing the last chapter of Numb on my dad's computer. If this takes even longer than it should already, then I apologize.**

**Scratch what I just said. I'll do an epilogue after this. That will be like -BEEEP-**

**Matt: (removes hand from the censor button)**

**V: Why did you do that? WHY DID YOU CENSOR ME???**

**M: We can't let the readers know what will happen!! Shame on you for thinking in such a way.**

**The song for this chapter is Valentine's Day, by Linkin Park. This is my personal favorite Linkin Park song of them all.**

Chapter 3: Pain

XxXxX

_And the clouds above moved closer,_

_Looking so dissatisfied._

_And the ground below grew colder_

_As they put you down inside._

_But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing._

XxXxX

February 14. The date held significance to those in the prison. Loved ones came to visit. The guards would allow families to be reunited, even if just for an hour. But less people came to visit this year. That was Kira's fault.

No one ever came to visit the strange, red-eyed man in the farthest solitary-confinement cell at the back. No one ever saw how he counted down the days until his fellow inmates died. Especially not on Valentine's Day. True, Beyond Birthday did wish that someone, even a prisoner, would at least say something to him. But Valentine's Day held little importance to him.

Ever since A killed himself, Beyond wasn't the same. He left Wammy's House on Valentine's Day, one day after A's death.

B sat in a crouch, in the darkest corner of his dirty cell. His mind paused all thinking for a moment, before settling on a flashback.

"_A!" little B called, rushing through the hallways to his best friend's room. The last time that B had seen A, the numbers had added up to a few days. That was one hour ago, before A had cracked and yelled at Roger. B didn't look above his friend's head again._

_Now, B could sense a disturbance with A. Something wasn't quite right, and B had to make sure that the numbers hadn't changed._

_B reached the door, and he could hear the teachers running after him. After all, he had dashed past one of the classroom's at an incredible pace that would have made the gym teachers proud _**(A/N: My sad attempt at sarcastic comments during an angst story)**_._

_The teachers ran down the opposite hallway, which would take them at least fifteen minutes to be able to maneuver. B quickly began to pick the lock, and he pushed open the door after turning the lock. His face turned from horror, to shock, to one of extreme worry as he rushed over to his dead friend._

_The teachers found him curled up on the floor, cuddling next to A, soaked in the blood of the Wammy's House's former best student._

"_Aaron is dead," B stated calmly, as if it didn't matter the slightest bit._

B laughed maniacally to himself as the scene ended. The few visitors still left from the day's events looked towards the back of the hallway where Beyond's cell was located. One of the guards walked down the narrow passage way, and told the serial killer to 'please be quiet'.

"…and let the families enjoy reuniting in peace," the guard said forcefully. No one liked speaking to the deranged raven. The guard was halfway down the hall before Beyond replied monotonously.

"Yes, let the families enjoy seeing their loved ones. It will probably be the last time they ever see each other. I found my best friend on the day before Valentine's Day, lying on the ground, surrounded in what a human needs most to survive."

The guard shivered, and returned to his post.

B chuckled and returned to his dark corner. His thoughts were drawn towards A again, and he allowed a frown to grow on his face.

No one cared about B. The last person who actually did was dead. The only person to have ever bothered with him in a year wouldn't even swallow his pride and at least call. When B had failed and was left with the irremovable sweater of scars that adorned his body, no one had even stopped to ask if anything hurt.

Beyond Birthday's heart hurt. Not from Kira, but from the pain of missing his best friend. At this point in time, B was ready to welcome Kira's heart attack with open arms.

XxXxX

_So now you're gone, and I was wrong._

_I never knew what it was like to be alone,_

_On a Valentine's Day…_

XxXxX

**I do believe that this is the longest chapter that I have written yet. I hope that you all enjoy it, even though I do realize that I probably got the dates all mixed up. I don't believe that Kira started to kill until fall 2003.**

**Oh well. I'm leaving it that way.**

**Last chapter coming up soon, I promise!! RxR please.**


	4. Obituary

**Last chapter, you guys! This is the first time that I have ever finished a story, so be proud of me. Each obituary adds the chorus of each characters' song.**

**Oh, and for anybody that reads **_**My Gang and I**_**, that will be updated soon!**

Chapter 4: Obituary

On February 13, 2001, Aaron Always (known as Alpha, or Alternate) died by taking his own life, using the form of self-mutilation. This was brought on by the enormous pressure that the caretakers at The Wammy's house put on him to become the next L. He left many friends behind, including Beyond Birthday (see below; known as Backup), L Lawliet (see below; known as Last One), and Caitlyn Mansary (known as Continue). He will be sorely missed by all of his friends.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there;_

_Become so tired, so much more aware._

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do_

_Is be more like me, and be less like you._

XxXxX

On January 21, 2004, Beyond Birthday died of cardiac arrest. Being a convicted criminal, and spending his time in solitary confinement, it is believed that he was killed by the murderer known as Kira. Beyond was known to have been ready to welcome Kira's judgment with open arms. Beyond (known as Backup, and Rue Ryuzaki) had created the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases to create a case that L Lawliet (see below; known as Last One) could not solve. Caitlyn Mansory (known as Continue) was the last person to have some sort of contact with Beyond.

It is also believed that Beyond Birthday had gone insane because of his friend's, Aaron Always (see above; known as Alpha, or Alternate) suicide.

_And the clouds above moved closer,_

_Looking so dissatisfied,_

_And the ground below grew colder, _

_As the put you down inside._

_But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing._

XxXxX

On November 5, 2004, L Lawliet (known to the world as L; known to Wammy's as Last One; known to those that work under him as Ryuzaki) died of cardiac arrest. At the time, L was investigating the Kira case, and it was believed that he was killed under the second Kira's influence. He was very close to discovering that Yagami Raito was the real Kira. Unfortunately, L was killed before being able to convict Yagami Raito. L was the head student of Wammy's House. The goal of all orphans there was to succeed L when he died. There were four major generations.

The Kira investigation was the second case where L showed his face. The first was at the end of the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases, when he attempted to hug Naomi Misora.

L's death was unknown to the world, and his successor, Near (known to the Japanese Task Force as N; eventually known to the world as L; known to Wammy's House as Next One) took over the title of L after solving the Kira case.

_You don't want to reach for me, do you?_

_I mean nothing to you._

_The little things give it away._

_And now there will be no mistaking._

_The levy's a-breaking._

XxXxX

**So, how did you guys like it? I know that you all loved it, you can stop pretending.**

**No, really though. I wish to have at least one review for this before I continue any of my other stories. That goes for every story up on my list, 'kay?**


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